"The Golden Compass"

A 2-star review from a intrepid Amazonian reader:

Ok. First of all. This book took me two weeks to read, which is a ridiculously long time for me. I've been known to finish a couple of books in a day.

The reason it took me so long was that I was lost from the very beginning. There was just way to many characters and questions introduced in the first few chaptes and I couldn't seem to catch up. I'm not sure if this was Pullman's writing style (lots of dialogue, not many descriptions) or my fragmented reading style - but I just couldn't get into the story.

I wasn't a huge fan of the characters. I liked the setting and thought the premise was original... but I wasn't blown away.

Yes, I will read it again because I think it will read better the second time.
Yes, I will read the next book.

But overall - I probably wouldn't have even finished it if I hadn't of purchased it.

Ok. First of all. "My fragmented reading style"? Reading styles can be defined as follows: I like to sit next to the fireplace, I read in bed, I read on the train, I like to have a glass of wine while I read, I like sitting in my underwater playing with my balls while I read. Authors can write in a fragmented style. You cannot read in a fragmented style. Did you only read every other sentence? Or was it a more random process? That's the first sign that no one should give a damn about your opinion, despite what your mother says.

Ok. Second of all. No one gives a shit how long it took you to read this. That's it. Think about it, dipshit. If I told you that Pizza Hut pizza was slightly sub-par in comparison to, say, Papa John's because it takes me an extra thirty seconds to eat a slice from Pizza Hut (by the way, this is true) what would you say? Probably that you agree. But that's because you're a fucking idiot and I still don't care about your opinion. 

Next.